Today has not been my day....
It started with my work computer. I logged on just like any other day to get an error box that said some .dll file was missing and couldn’t log me into my direct access to my work’s network. Yay. I despise computer issues and through trying to figure this out, my OneDrive (which holds all of my files for personal as well as work stuff) disappeared. Like, the whole program was gone. Eeeek! Around this time, I asked the kids to start on their math since DH was hunting this morning so I could continue with said computer issues. It took about an hour and half from that point for me to install/fix/reinstall/refix the computer issues to where now I can at least login correctly. So, I head into the kitchen to get the kids to start on the rest of their school work to find they had not even finished math. In fact, they weren’t even close. What they had been doing I have no idea….literally…no clue. Needless to say, I was not pleased. I lectured (yelled) and tried to explain why they needed to be responsible but I am sure I sounded like the teacher in Charlie Brown (that is the correct reference right??)
School progressed, and by progressed I mean they finished math and we were completing spelling when Mark texts me to say not only had he lost his friends cushion and metal stakes (I mean….how??) but he had lost his Pilot key and needed me to come unlock his vehicle so he could get home and get to work. Lovely. Well, kids were still in jammies cause that is how we roll around here, so I barked orders to get some clothes on ASAP. I finished getting ready myself, cancelled an upcoming work call, and returned to see how the kids were doing. DD was screaming that she couldn’t find pants and DS was wearing a button up shirt that was too small and some seriously skinny skinny jeans. (I really should have taken a picture). I about lost it. I proceeded to screech at DD to find some pants NOW and articulated loudly to DS to change immediately while throwing him pants that actually fit. Not my best moment.
So within all of this chaos, I was able to get to DH with a key and make it back home to finish school and work. Well, I assume we will finish, right now they are eating lunch while I type this up. J
The point Sara….what is the point?!? The point is while I was driving to get DH his key, DD looks at me and says she is sorry for how she acted this morning. That punched me in the gut because I hadn’t gotten to the point where I was sorry for my attitude. I felt justified and believed the way I behaved was what they deserved for their sinfulness. Bless my soul. I would like to say that I felt so convicted by her apology that we had a cry fest and all decided to do better. However, what I actually did was tell her that she shouldn’t apologize unless she was certain she meant it and that she would turn and change her sinful patterns. Really….
Transparency is important y’all. I fail. I fall. I react without thinking. I use words to hurt and not to heal and encourage. I am a work in progress. This morning was an epic fail on my part. I had the ability to have compassion on my children and see them as works in progress as well, but I chose to allow the circumstances of my morning to tempt me into a poor attitude. Then I choose to give in to that temptation. That’s just it….it was a choice. I could have used the scripture I have memorized throughout my life to think on and meditate on in order to calm myself and give me the perspective needed to handle these situations biblically. I didn’t. It comes down to discipline and decisions. I was lazy in my thoughts and reactions and allowed chaos to overcome the peace the Lord provides. I could have counted it all joy when I faced these trials as James 1:2-4 states and allowed this morning to produce steadfastness in my life.
Hindsight really is 20/20. But the day is not lost! I can and will use this as a reminder of what to do next time. (And there will be a next time!) I won’t always remember and I am sure I will fail again but praise the Lord for His grace and His mercy which is new every morning!
I don’t care if you have failed like I have 100 times just this morning. There is grace. There is forgiveness. There is hope. Choose to take those thoughts captive that tell you otherwise and replace them with His truth.
I leave you with this: “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23. Praise the Lord! Till next time…