When sadness comes
Some days just burden my heart with sadness. Today is one of those days for me. Four years ago this day would have been our son's birthday. We found out in October of the previous year that our little boy had died and would not be making his grand appearance into this world. It was heartbreaking. This was our third and final miscarriage and I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to handle it this time. I actually got to deliver this sweet boy and Mark and I were able to hold him and say our goodbyes. God was gracious in that.
I am not trying to gain sympathy or cause you to feel sorry or sad for us because God is good. On days like today and the day in October when we found out/delivered Gideon among others, I have to remind myself of that. He is good. Even if I never see the three children we have lost, He is still good. There are things in our life that we just don't understand and probably won't this side of eternity. We often ask ourselves, why bad things happen to "good" people. In reality, apart from Christ, there are no good people. Without Christ, I cannot do anything good or right, even if my intentions to the world seem "good". Someone might look at our life and consider us nice/good people, and think why would God allow them to go through this hardship? My question, is "What makes us, or anyone else so special that we shouldn't have hard times?"
Honestly, there is nothing special in me. There is nothing I can do that is worth anything. In our culture/world, I would be reprimanded for feeling this way. I would be told I need to work on my self esteem and that I am worth feeling loved and happy. Truth is, I am not. What I am worthy of is hell and separation from God for eternity. We all are. It is only because of what Jesus did in my place that I receive anything else. He lived the perfect life I could not, died a horrible death I deserved, and rose again to live victoriously forever at the right hand of God. It is God's richness of love, mercy, and grace that makes me an heir -a daughter of the King. That is where my self esteem needs to come from. That is where my joy, love, peace, approval needs to comes from; The precious blood of Christ. If not for Him, I would be lost and only looking forward to destruction in hell. We all would.
God is good. He loved us enough to provide a free gift for us in Jesus to give us a way to live WITH HIM for eternity. This world is not our home. These struggles are NOTHING compared to what eternity holds for us and all believers(Romans 8:18). When I keep that in the front of my mind, the hardships I face in this world lose their hold on my heart. Yes, there can still be sadness and pain. Believe me. I still feel the hurt when I think about the children that could have been. But God, in His rich mercy, quickly reminds me that His plan is perfect and the glory that awaits me in heaven will make the pain and troubles of this world seem as nothing. That can be hard for our human minds to truly grasp. That is where faith comes in to play.
I encourage each of you to hold your hardships and heartbreak in light of God's ultimate plan for your life - eternity in His presence glorifying Him forever. How amazing is that! The anticipation and excitement that comes to my heart when I dwell on this certainty instead of my troubles is where my peace comes from. May each of us hold to this truth as we battle each and every day in this world. Life is hard, but we know the end of the story. We know who wins, and that allows us to live in peace and joy knowing no matter what we face in this world, it pales in comparison to what the Lord has waiting for us in heaven. Let's live in joy and peace amidst hardship. I love you all. Till next time.
LORD ALMIGHTY (YOU ARE THE KING) by Ella Williams