When I keep failing
Man, it has been awhile since I blogged. Mainly because life has been a little crazy with moving, sickness, and now the holidays that are approaching. But there is another reason. I have really been blowing this whole Christian wife/mom thing lately which really sets the stage for a lack of blog topics. When I say I have been blowing my roles as a wife and mom, I am being totally serious. I have allowed myself to become so self focused that it has begun to hurt those I love the most. Didn't realize you were reading a confessional today did you? There is a point I promise. :)
Before we moved, I was very much in the habit of reading my Bible, journaling my prayers, and praying specifically for Mark and the kids. Since we moved, I have really slacked in this. Today, I actually woke up before the kids (which I totally could do every day if, you know, I set my alarm) and decided to jump back in. After I read the word and started to journal my prayer, I noticed the scripture at the bottom of my notebook was in 2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Wow...that couldn't have been a better verse for me at that moment. Here I was feeling so convicted in my lack of ability to glorify God as a wife and mom and God in His tender mercy reached me right where I was and said that was okay. He is enough. His grace is enough. When I am weak, He gets to show off His power and get the glory. Amen!
My greatest struggle with this verse personally is getting to the point where I understand I am weak. You know, truly realizing that I don't have it all together and not giving in to the million excuses that flood my mind and come out of my mouth about how it is okay that I behave this way or that. I do this y'all. For example: I had to yell cause the kids weren't listening or it was imperative I give that annoyed and exasperated look at my kid because their attitude deserved it. Better yet -of course I should degrade my husband because I feel he is ignoring me...I mean really?!? How self focused and deceived I have been.
In all honesty, my attitude has been poor lately. I have been stuck in a why me mentality and have allowed it to seep into the depths of my soul. My joy has been depleted and I know I must fight for it. However, God's grace is sufficient. I confess. He lovingly disciplines me and forgives me with His never ending grace and mercy. With the power of His spirit, I am able to make a better choice today. When I fail (which I will), I will know I can get back up and He will be right there. Any moments of strength I show, are just His power working in me. Today, I am so thankful He does not give up on me even when I give up on myself. His grace is sufficient. Remember that. I love you all. Till next time.
Worship with me today: