When the Waters Rise
Raw. I think that is a good word to describe how I am feeling right now. Have you ever had one of those days when it's like you are on the tip of an edge and even the smallest thing will make you fall one way or the other? Your nerves feel stretched thin and everything comes across abrasive and painful. You start crying (and I mean that ugly sobbing type crying) at the drop of a hat. That's me today. However, praise the Lord, I know it won't stay this way. It is a hard day, but it will get better.
James, our foster son who we have had for 14 months, left us today. We were not intended to be a part of his long term story, just these particular 14 months. We knew that was a possibility going into fostering and were/are okay with that. It doesn't mean it is easy and it doesn't mean we have no feelings. Quite the contrary actually. It hurts. While we are praying and rooting for his biological parents to get it together and keep it together, we are struggling in tandem. I am watching my 12 year old daughter sort through the sadness with our new reality and not able to take the pain away from her. Frankly, it sucks. Excuse my language. But I know these feelings will not last forever. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. My hope is found in the Lord. Listen to God's words to us from Isaiah chapter 43.
1 But now thus says the LORD,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
3 For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
What hope is found in these verses! What encouragement to cling to for the weary and downtrodden. First, God created me. He created James. He knows us and calls us by name. I am His. I pray and will continue to pray that James will be His eternally. What comfort knowing God knows intimately my struggles and pain. Even better, the verses don't stop there.
God does not leave us in our pain. He is with me. He does not allow what I am going through, what you are going through to overwhelm us when we focus on Him. He does not allow the flames of this world to burn us. Being His does not exclude us from the pain and suffering in this world however. He says we will walk through them and be emerged in them, yet they will not consume us. Praise the Lord!
He goes on to remind us in verse 3 that He is the Lord our God and Savior. He is in control. He sees and is sovereign over every stinking thing in this world/universe. Nothing (and I mean absolutely nothing) happens that He does not ordain and allow. We might not fully understand the whys or hows of that, but that's okay. We aren't God. He is. He tells me I won't be consumed by this pain, and I choose to believe that even if my feelings at this moment disagree. I choose Him and the hope only He can provide.
So yes, today stinks. Tomorrow probably will too. Maybe even the next day, week, or month. But it won't last forever. God is with me, just as He is with you. Choose today to believe that and allow His hope and courage to flow through you in whatever you are facing right now. I know we are living in unprecedented times. Remember, God is in control. He sees you. He loves you. He will not let you be overwhelmed. I love you all. Till next time.