A Gentle Word to Wives

Hey! It has been a hot minute since I have written on my blog. Life has been busy and crazy and beautiful, and I am so beyond thankful for the sweet memories we are making with our kids as we live near family again. It has been a blessing for sure. Recently, I heard a passage explained a bit differently than I had ever hear before and it has stuck with me for several days, so I figured it was a good idea to write it down. 😊 I will probably need to be reminded. 😉

As a wife, I have read and heard the passage in 1 Peter 3 often of how I should be subject to my husband and that my adorning needs not be external but rather a gentle and quiet spirit. This is of course true and very good counsel from Scripture, but there is so much more to these verses. Let’s look at the passage in 1 Peter 3:1-6.

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear – 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

These verses tend to get women in a tizzy at times. However, I believe the truth of Scripture should never be disregarded just because it makes us uncomfortable. In fact, when we feel that unease with any Scripture, it should push us to dig deeper and be an alert that our perception might need to change. That’s not my point today. There is so much to unpack in these verses, but I want to focus on a part that I hadn’t really heard taught before till recently. We tend to focus the first few verses on an unbelieving spouse. That is definitely one way we can “win” our husbands by our conduct, but I do not believe this verse is only speaking of the unbelieving spouse due to the fact later on in verse 6 , it uses Sarah and Abraham as the example.

If you think about Sarah and Abraham and when Sarah was subject to her husband and obeyed him, it brings to mind the not one, but TWO times Abraham lied about Sarah being his sister and she ended up in a harem. Yes…..twice! Sarah didn’t argue with Abraham. Now hear me….I am not condoning lying. But given the culture and time of this occurrence, it makes sense that Sarah would keep quiet. The point is that her believing husband was in the wrong. He was doing something against the Lord, yet she faced that with a gentle and quiet spirit. She allowed herself to be put in a dangerous situation out of submission to Abraham and to the Lord. She wasn’t frightened by anything for she was relying on God to take care of her.

Wives, we can do this with our husbands, whether they are believing or not. We can choose to even put ourselves in difficult situations. Sarah allowed herself to be put into a harem. That could not have been comfortable, but she chose to submit to Abraham and trust God. One thing I hear pretty often is something on the lines of “God wouldn’t want me to be this unhappy.” Or “God wouldn’t want me to face this verbal abuse.” Beloved, that’s not true. God wants you to be more like Jesus and He is willing to put you in the necessary situations to allow that growth to happen. However, that means we must respond and react like Jesus and not this world.

I know this isn’t easy to hear. I know the world will bombard us at every turn that we deserve happiness, or we don’t deserve any unkind treatment. The honest truth is we live in a fallen and sinful world. This side of eternity is going to be full of trials, tribulations, and mistreatment. That’s life. We can and should face difficult marital situations with a quiet and gentle spirit, knowing that God can use that righteous response to open the eyes of a sinful spouse and draw them back (or for the first time) to the Lord. It is possible. Is it easy? No. But God promises to provide the strength and ability to withstand harsh treatment. James reminds us to count it all joy when we face trials and tribulations, not if we face them.

Please hear me. I am not saying if you are being beaten or physically harmed that you should not seek safety or help. If any relationship has crossed into illegal behavior, absolutely get the authorities involved. However, I am saying, someone being unkind to you or harsh in their speaking/attitude is not a reason to end a marriage. God created marriage. It is a beautiful picture of Christ and His church and should be revered and respected. It should be fought for. It is a covenant between God and your spouse. That’s a big deal. As a whole, we are too quick to give up when we are “unhappy”. Honestly, we aren’t willing to put aside our own wants/desires for the betterment of our spouse. The focus is on ourselves.

Sarah gives us a great example of how we, as wives, can choose to respond correctly even when our husband is in sin. Sarah could not have known how these situations would turn out, but she trusted in God to protect her and allowed Abraham to be corrected by God. This gentle and quiet spirit is difficult for us ladies. I struggle. Daily. God is working in me, and I am so thankful for His sweet mercy and patience as I try and fail. I want to encourage you, if you are in a marriage where you feel unhappy or unloved, turn to the Lord. With that, I mean you need to study Scripture. Focus on what God says about who you are in Him and His character. He will never mistreat you. He will never leave you or forsake you, no matter what.

Please remember, this takes effort on our part. There will be days that are harder than others, but God will sustain you when you turn to Him. Pray. Study Scripture. Meditate on Scripture. Memorize Scripture. God’s word has all you need. Turn to it. Seek to respond to any mistreatment with a gentle and quiet spirit. Proverbs 15:1 states “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” You might feel justified in your response to unkindness, but sinning in response to someone else’s sin, is still sinning.

We tell our kids all the time that they are responsible for their own actions/words. We cannot control what others do or say. We can only control our response. We will each stand before the Lord one day and give an account for our lives. We will not be able to use the excuses “he started it!” or “don’t you know the things he said to me?” or “I wasn’t happy.” If this is something you have failed at before, there is still hope. We can choose today to follow Sarah’s example and be willing to face harsh words or unkindness for the sake of our spouse and our own growth in righteousness. Choose the gentle and quiet spirit, knowing that the Lord sees all we go through and never leaves our side. I love you all. Till next time.