My Unmet Expectations

It has been a disappointing year y'all. I know each of you can feel the pressure and stress 2020 has brought in very distinct ways. Some are bogged down with financial troubles due to lack of work caused by the pandemic. Some are suffering from feelings of depression due to missing family activities and social interactions. There are simply too many problems to try and name them all. While the earth continues to spin, no matter if there is a pandemic or not, there will always be adversity and discomfort in this fallen world. Anyone feel this? Yes? I thought so.

There are many things the Lord has been graciously and patiently trying to teach me this year. I have most definitely done my best to push each and every one of God's buttons with my disobedience and outright laziness. I am so thankful God doesn't give up on His children and that His mercy and forgiveness is never ending. Oh, how I don't deserve His love.

I have recently realized one of the areas God is fiercely trying to get my attention on is my unmet expectations. Or rather, how I handle myself when my expectations go unmet. Can I let you in on a secret? It isn't pretty. Like, who is this woman and what has she done with my Christian self? Ugly. Embarrassing really. Do you ever have those moments where in your head you are telling yourself you are not reacting properly to a situation, but you "feel" like you have no control over what you are saying/doing? Not just me then? Good. We are not alone.

I had a conversation with a sweet sister in Christ recently regarding how her and her husband address each other when reactions seem to be spiraling out of control. They ask one another "Are you dealing with unmet expectations right now?" While that might come across as simple, to me it was very profound. I honestly wish Mark and I had started that practice when we were newly married, it's never to late right? Anyway, I loved that approach! How many times have I responded to a situation with frustration, anger, annoyance, or downright meanness because my expectations were not being met? How many times have I lost an opportunity to shine for Jesus because things were not going the way I planned?

Now hear me, there are certain expectations we should have for others. That isn't what I am talking about here. For example, I should expect respect and obedience from my children. I should expect faithfulness from my husband. The list could go on and on. On the other side of the coin, I shouldn't necessarily expect to always be right, or always get my way. Whether my expectations are accurate or not isn't what I am trying to discuss here. But rather, how I handle myself when my expectations go unmet.

Another way to think about unmet expectations would be the word disappointment. In the moment, we might not think "Oh, this situation is disappointing me". However, given a second to ponder we might come to realize that is exactly what is happening. For example, someone lashes out at us which spirals into our own ungracious response. The expectation we had going into that conversation might have been - this is my spouse/friend/co-worker and I believe this will be a good exchange. After the unkind words we are disappointed not only in our self for our rude response, but for their actions and how things didn't turn out the way we expected or wanted. So how do we counter these disappointments in a way that honors God?

Excellent question. I wish I had the perfect response. However, I am broken and sinful and most definitely don't consistently respond appropriately to my unmet expectations. I am a work in progress. Praise the Lord for His unending love and faithfulness. I have come to realize that I cannot handle the disappointments in life on my own (big or small). I wasn't meant to. You have heard the phrase; God won't give you more than you can handle. I know I have and have even said it to others. However, that's not in the bible. God will absolutely give you more than you can handle. He doesn't expect us to handle all the unmet expectations and disappointments in life, He wants us to hand them over to Him.

I am in the middle of reading Lysa TerKeurst's It's not supposed to be this way and there is a statement (there are many gold nuggets in this book, I highly recommend it) that says this: "If we want to see Him in our circumstances and see His perspective, we must seek Him, His ways, and His word." Such a good truth. The Bible says it even better in Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." So what does this have to do with our unmet expectations? Everything.

We need to be seeking the Lord in all things. We need to be renewing our minds on a daily basis like Romans 12:2 states: "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." If seeking the Lord and renewing our minds with His word is a daily habit, then when faced with unmet expectations and disappointments we allow ourselves to view these situations through the lens of God's truth. His ways are higher than our ways (Is. 55:8). He is working all things for good (Romans 8:28). He provides a way of escape when temptations seem to bombard us (1 Cor 10:13). Does that take away the heartache and suffering that sometimes occurs from unmet expectations? No. But it does allow us to better respond to those circumstances in a way that honors Christ.

Please remember, this is not something that happens overnight. We are being sanctified day to day. I wish I could say that as soon as the Lord brought this sin in my life to my attention, I never yell at my kids anymore or get snippy with Mark; that I take the time to always consider my words before I speak. Gracious, that would be fantastic. However, I can say, since God has opened my eyes to see my great need for Him in this area, that my desire to honor and obey Him is growing. I want to do this right. I want to please Him with my words and actions, especially when faced with disappointment. I want to point others to Him. My prayer for each of you, is that you view your unmet expectations through the lens of God's word and His truth. That we each renew our minds daily to be so full of Him, that even when surprised by disappointments in life, we overflow with His love. I love you all, till next time.